I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
