if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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