it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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