Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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