my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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