but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
