i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
