Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize