We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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