I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a burrito and a hug.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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