this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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