so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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