it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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