yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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