Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize