The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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