Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
