During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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