This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
