I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
