Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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