just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
