You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
