Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
