pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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