Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
