Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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