wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
