Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
