martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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