I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
