captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
