What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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