This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
