Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
