a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
