How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
