you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
