Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
