When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
