Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
