yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
