The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
