I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
