I hate all girls vehemently.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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