All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
