Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize