Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
