whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
