so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
