He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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