Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
