No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
