he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
