I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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