We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
