I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
