He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
