oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
