Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
