i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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