The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
