I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize