It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
