Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
