I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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