and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
