Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
