my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
