I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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