2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
