I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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