New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
