Already got asked if we're dating
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize