just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
