i think i have two assholes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
