here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
