Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
