I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
