My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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