C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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