i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize