im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
