don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
