We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
