Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my shit smells like andre
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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