the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
