I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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