i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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