wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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