i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
