i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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