Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
