Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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