Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
