You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
