How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize