I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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