My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
