Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
