Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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