I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were destined to go to rehab together
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize