so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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