i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just high enough for therapy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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