So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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