hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize