So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize