i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
