Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
