Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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